My brilliant lonely evening over the tank on our roof

Ive just watched Nim's island in star movies...It is a splendid movie. And I wish I was like Nim or the writer or Jack. I wish I was like the writer with an island like that, a dad like that and a daughter like that. I wish I had the animal friends. I wish I can touch an orangutan with love. I don't think it is really very possible.

But what is possible is where I am sitting now. I am sitting on the tank over the roof's roof...watching a wonderful sunset in shades of greyish purple and fire yellow and orange. It might start raining any moment now. It had been raining all week this week. There's this real cold wind blowing real fast now, I almost can't see with all my fringes of hair covering my face. The sky is getting darker and darker..and the light is fading. The moon above my head is growing brighter and brighter as the sky's blocking me out.

There are apartments all around me. But thankfully they end at the same level as where I'm sitting. So I have a little extra access to the sunset. And yea, over my head…it's just so gorgeous right now. I can't tell you.

I feel like staying here forever.

Shucks, this feels so phony, I can't hear my voice, wait a sec. there's a cuckoo singing..anyway, I can't hear my voice anymore. I’m hearing the voice in my head like the voice of that writer in Nim's island. I'm shivering a little now. And a little scared. And very uncomfortable..there was this man from the apartment looking and I tried to climb the tank with half the concentration on that man..and though I made the climb okay. My left arm near the shoulder seems to hurt a bit.

I want to write and go on writing. But there is a little boy there..oh, he's gone. He just tried to climb the ladder to the roof asking someone younger, possibly little brother or a friend not to come up because he /she might fall down the ladder. He went away anyway. Where was I?

I wanted to tell you this especially.

People are calling it Venus, some are calling it pole star, though I don't think so.. I've seen pole star all my life. It's not this bright. This star or planet is so bright. It glows like this little diamond. Don't cuckoo's ever go to sleep? It's still cooeing, and in the morning they start long before I wake up. I know it because I usually kinda fall outta sleep at four in the morning, and then I continue sleeping anyway. I'm really shivering now. It's so cold, I can feel the goosebumps happen.

I always say, if you close your eyes hard enough and believe....

Today, I say, if you open your eyes wide enough, your sense of touch well enough, You could believe you're in heaven or maybe more. You could believe you're that ballerina or the figure skater, or the artist among rooms of beautifully arranged colours. You could be in that silent orchestra with the sound of water flowing(in the tank), the wind blowing, the aeroplane's whoo as it's passing by and the poor cuckoo killing itself with the song..surrounded by mint blue, navy blue, gray and deep curtains, laced with red, orange and yellow lace at the end..and when you open your eyes from all that air conditioned breeze blowing, you see sparkling diamonds and an incomparable smile of love stuck in the sky. Lol. Imagination is supposed to be something better than what really is, and it just proves I have a poor one man.

Heck, it's just getting better and better, the city is aglow with chains of orange lights. I wanted to write that I don't want to go home, I didn't because it would have been a lie. Some thing about this moment makes life bearable, reminds me of John Keats you know, poor john, poor poor john's 'a thing of beauty is a joy forever.' I'm not afraid of going to my room now, well, it has a side fulla windows anyway, I'm not afraid of going in there and facing the walls and a sluggish research. I'm not afraid of the exams either. Not the least bit. I just want to laugh and laugh so hard and go on writing. And looking up and breathing. I want to go on and on and on. I love you. I do, I really do. I'm so happy right now, I really would say that to you if I saw you dear. And I love myself, just as I always have and I love life more than I have ever realized.

I am human ain' i? Well, it means I have a habit of sifting, converting and applying every moment. Irrespective of what goes on in and around me to my life.

This moment, I have realized that happiness comes from within. You don't need to have millions of bucks to buy it, no, I'm not trying to discourage the ambitious. You simply* need to learn to see. You can take the hard way too. You can buy it too. And guarantee a moderate level of it with all the money and stuff. But if you can't see it, you can't feel it, there's no point at all in any thing.

*conditions apply.